


"Use the Force, Harry James Tiberius Kirk!" -Gandalf

by moriartyshouldseemeinacrown



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Star Trek, Star Wars - All Media Types, The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Crack Fic, Gen, M/M, crossover fic, mentions of gay sex, theres bad language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-13
Updated: 2013-06-13
Packaged: 2017-12-14 21:51:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/841769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moriartyshouldseemeinacrown/pseuds/moriartyshouldseemeinacrown
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a crack fic for my friend, a Hobbit/Harry Potter/Star Trek/Star Wars crack fic.</p>
<p>Basically, The USS Enterprise isn't working so they take over Star Wars and try to find a wizard at Hogwarts to help them. When Harry, Ron, and Hermit can't help them, they visit The Shire where they find a Mr. Bilbo Baggins and a giant dragon named Smaug.</p>
            </blockquote>





	"Use the Force, Harry James Tiberius Kirk!" -Gandalf

**Author's Note:**

> This is a crack fic.  
> The crackiest fic ever.
> 
> I don't know anything about Star Wars I'm so sorry.  
> I basically just apologize in general if you've read this.

STAR TREK/STAR WARS/HARRY POTTER/THE HOBBIT 

"Wtf Kirk, where the fuck are we." Spock the half-Vulcan half-Human tall asian looking guy said to his bf. "This is not Dairy Queen."

"Ya I'm sorry Spock," Said cutie-pie James Tiberius Perfect Hair. "We need a wizard bc the ship is broken."

"Is that why these Star Wars guys r with us?" The two hot guys looked around and saw a giant slug thing named Jabba the Ugly, that guy who kissed his sister, that girl who kissed her brother, Darth Vader or whatever, and that guy with a tiny braid in his hair named Obi I think. 

"Yea, we took their ship and now we're here at the Hogwarts to catch us a wizard to fix ours. Uhurrra, go down and catch one." A super hot chick showed up with a butterfly net and said "I'm on it" 

She disappeared and came back with three ugly short people who introduced themselves as Ron, Hermit, and Harry. 

"Okay, Ron, Hermit, and Harry, fix da ship." Mr. Perfect Hair said as his bf Spock looked at him with heart eyes.

"We ain't those kinds a wizards." The shortest and ugliest with glasses said in a stupid country accent. "We're only eleven."

"Goddamit now how the fuck do we fix our shippy-wippy." Kirk cried. 

"What about the other short people with wizards?" Hermit suggested. "Those Hobbit thangs." 

"Okay lets fly." Spock hit the 'FIND THEM MOTHERFUCKIN HOBBITS' button on the ship and poof! They were suddenly right outside a door. Spock the asian man hit the door with his perfect bum twice bc that's how Vulcans knock and a short cutie showed up.

"Hulo, how can I halp you?" He said in his motherfucking adorable British accent. And holy mother of the two Star Wars people who were making out in the ship, Bilbo Baggins was really short. 

"YOOU'RE SHORT ENOUGH TO SUCK MY DICK." Darth Vader laughed and Uhura slapped him bc that was not polite. His hat thing fell off and revealed he was actually DARTH VOLDEMORT. 

"omfg harry kill it." Hermit and Ron said as Harry took a knife and cut out Darth Voldemort's heart before the three of them started to perform a Satanic ritual. 

"We need a wizard, short adorable Hobbit man." Uhurrrrra said to Bilbo.

"Well I don't have a wizard." Bilbo shrugged and then Smaug showed up.

"BILBO LOVE ME. I LOVE YOU." The large beautiful dragon said as it fluttered it's huge eyelashes. 

"UR A DRAGON SMAUG. WE TALKED ABOUT THIS, BRO." Bilbo replied and Smaug cried. Then Spock and Kirk the cutie pie started makin out and fell on the floor. Uhurrrrra was like wtf. The bfs took off their pants and started to perform the sex. 

"BILBO WE COULD HAVE THAT. LOOK." and then Smaug's giant dragon dick crushed the ship and Bilbo agreed to marry him bc he was so impressed.


End file.
